Will 2016 Be The Year?

According to 2015 actuarial tables, I have about 27.6 years left to finish cleaning my basement. You see, I have been talking about cleaning it for almost that long, so I’m justifiably skeptical about the chances of success. In fact, I have several hundred saved emails providing hard evidence that I have been complaining to anyone who will listen about my messy house since 1994.

I find it exceedingly easy to put daunting projects on the back burner in the day-to-day flurry of bill paying, laundry and Instagram posting. And make no mistake, my basement is a project of monumental proportions.

All evidence to the contrary, I am completely obsessed with organizing and purging the clutter that has taken over much of the square footage in our home. When I think about the enormity of the job, I “google” de-cluttering and for a brief moment, there is hope. But when I head downstairs to confront the beast, I allow myself to get distracted by writing a blog post or folding laundry or moving furniture around.

The amount of energy I expend stressing about clutter and dreaming about dumpsters is a testament to how debilitating it can be. Of course life goes on in a messy house, but drowning in clutter can turn into treading water through life and that’s why I’m going to work on the basement as soon as I un-load the dishwasher!

Are You Ready?

December 4, 2013

Please don't start with the questions….where have you been? ….you promised to start writing more often…how did I end up here,  I was looking for a recipe….

I'm all out of excuses, so let's just begin…

I've been bemoaning the fact, along with everyone else, that we've had one less week between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Less time to decorate, to shop, to get in shape, to write that children's book. 

My dirty little secret is that it doesn't matter how much time I have to prepare for the holidays. You will find me scrambling at the last minute whether I start two months or two weeks before Christmas. Instead of trying to change this behavior, I'm thinking it's time to embrace it. Why not intentionally do nothing until a week before Christmas? Many people perform better under pressure. Maybe I'm one of those people? I can still commiserate with everyone who isn't ready for the holidays without revealing that I've consolidated my angst into a mere 7 days!

I have a friend who shares my passion for procrastination. Her Christmas cards began to arrive late a couple of years ago, at which point she finally just started sending out New Year's cards. Not everyone can pull this off, nor should they. If everyone followed suit, we could literally end up celebrating Christmas in July! 

I honestly believe that Christmas has nothing to do with "things"… it's about being thankful, about spending time with family, about sitting in front of a fire wearing your Snuggie, glass of wine in hand. 

Despite this, when it's December 23rd and you realize that you forgot to buy the stocking stuffers or you didn't buy eggs for the traditional breakfast quiche, you know what you are truly thankful for. Giant Eagle has everything you need and it's open all night! 

Cartoon Courtesy of grtoons

Call me Meemz!

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What is the significance of March 1, 2012? It just so happens to be the last post I 

wrote on this site. With a huge sense of gratitude to my 10 followers, most of 
whom probably just forgot they were following, I am venturing out again to 
revive this blog. 

If I imagine trying to recap the events since I last wrote, I am overcome by a 
most intense desire for a nap, so let's just start fresh with one big change in 
my life. Her name is Adeline and she is my first granddaughter. She is only
two weeks old, and I've only held her little swaddled self twice. I plan to 
make up for lost time when I go back to visit my son and his wife next week. 

I'm not really a "planner" but in preparation for my visit I have been practicing
sitting and rocking and staring. I know there are other duties I may be called 
on to perform, but that's how I plan to fill most of the time that I'm there. It's 
quite apropos that I'll be there on Valentine's day, because a new baby is the
best symbol I can think of to represent love. 

With your encouragement and support, I believe we can make this the year my
blog receives enough hits to allow me to work from home!



"Daughter" by Loudon Wainwright III - 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVam-fshUgw

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Cell Phone Jingle....I mean Jungle!

A tech savvy friend who updates her equipment regularly, gave me her old IPhone recently and I went to the AT&T store to see if I could use it without signing up for the $30.00/month data plan. Not surprisingly, the answer was an unapologetic "no".  I should have asked why, but I doubt that any answer to that question would have been satisfactory. 


I am an inveterate texter, and although I manage perfectly well with predictive text on my little antique of a phone, I wouldn't mind using a phone with the much more efficient qwerty keyboard. I looked around at the keyboard phones that could be used WITHOUT a data plan and the prices seemed pretty reasonable, until I looked at the fine print. In large print the price was $49.99 but in fine print on the sign next to it, they explained that the lower price included a two year contract renewal. If you wanted to buy the phone outright, the price morphed into a whopping $249.99. What diabolical scheme was at work here? **See rant below** 


Odds are that I will continue using my current cell phone provider for two more years anyway, so why resist the temptation of a new phone? It was my symbolic attempt to take a stand against the tyranny of those holding us all hostage. Faced with a groundswell of opposition to said tyranny I believe we could effect change. The challenge is that as we embrace each new incarnation of technology, anything resembling a groundswell becomes a trickle.


Cockeyed optimist that I am, I talked with the sales associate about ways to lower my bill. Any change to my plan that resulted in savings in one area would cause trouble in another. I could save a modest amount by lowering my minutes from 700 to 500 per month but I would then be vulnerable to expensive overages as well as a more expensive level of text messaging. I had flashbacks to first year Algebra!


**Walking out of the store, I drifted into a dream-like state as I imagined the back room in which these bizarre and arbitrary rules are formulated. A handful of people were brainstorming about how to wring the most money out of their customers without the customers noticing. I thought of the surveys they must have conducted with people in their target demographic about how much they would be willing to pay for things like unlimited text messaging or data plans before feeling as though they had been screwed.


The contract parameters that my imaginary executives came up with required a graduate school level of math proficiency but no one seemed to mind because they were, after all, getting a $249.99 phone for only $49.99! My mind then meandered to a scene from the 1976 movie "Network" in which Peter Finch exhorts people to stick their heads out their windows and yell, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna' take it anymore!"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WINDtlPXmmE&feature=related


As Richard Buckminster Fuller once said....“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” 


Here's to change!


Copyright KKR March 2012

Am I Living My Life, Or Is My Life Living Me?

Welcome to anyone with enough curiosity to follow this blog through all potential incarnations to a place of laughter, serenity, enlightenment or simply a way to waste a few minutes waiting in the dentist's office. After having thought about and talked about getting a job for nearly 10 years, I think it's finally time to..... think about it some more. I have a very specific skill set to offer potential employers, as well as an equally specific set of requirements for the perfect job. I have a bachelor's degree in Russian which here-to-for has not enhanced my marketability. You see, I haven't used my degree, well, EVER, and I have forgotten all but the most basic Russian vocabulary such as hello, thank you, please and goodbye.


I am in the demographic which can generously be described as middle age, so I have neither the time nor the physical prowess to climb any ladders, corporate or otherwise. I suffer from extreme SDPD (Self- Deprecation Personality Disorder), mild paranoia, and finally, chronic cashier-ophobia. I have actually been known to give back more change to people than the item they purchased was worth. None of these afflictions have been clinically evaluated, but trust me, they are very real.


I do have several qualities which I feel could be useful in the appropriate vocation. I am a great listener, I can talk on the phone for hours, I can research nearly any topic you can throw at me and I can proofread better than anyone I know. I'm not sure yet how these talents coalesce into a viable occupation, but I remain ever on the lookout for my true calling. 


Blogging for profit has taken the world by storm and I believe this may be the answer to my prayers. Conventional wisdom says that one should be willing to blog for nothing before expecting to earn a living wage from it. I have been blogging for the pure enjoyment of it for several years now so I have already made it past that first hurdle. Blogging combines many of my strengths with the added luxury of working from home in stretchy pants. If I could dole out helpful advice or offer a sympathetic ear and possibly even make readers laugh I would consider myself as lucky as HGTV's Urban Oasis Winner
http://blog.hgtv.com/urban-oasis/2011/10/25/meet-the-winner-of-hgtv-urban-oasis-2011/.


So, I appeal to the audience out in cyberspace to join me on a journey whose direction will only reveal itself as we travel along. Hopefully you can help me end years of inertia before it's time for me to retire. 


Copyright - KKR Feb. 2012