Time Flew

The world was a very different place the last time I posted anything on this blog. Most importantly, my dad was still alive and in relatively decent health. He had a few of the scourges of old age like memory loss but there was no hint that in two years he would no longer be with us. I am an only child and the loss is profound, but there hasn't been much time to grieve because there are people he left behind who still need me. His brother lives in a dementia unit in a facility nearby and my mom, who lives six minutes away, needs a little help with finances, house maintenance and sometimes just companionship. They had the typical division of labor of many marriages that began in the 50's. She had no interest in the finances and he was happy to assume that role. So we have muddled our way through the year somehow without too many late charges or bounced checks. 

On the other end of life's continuum, the birth of my second grandchild has given our family something to celebrate. She and her older sister are precious beyond description, and that is a completely unbiased opinion.

Another highlight was celebrating my 60th birthday with ALL THREE of my sons in NYC this past summer. In the endlessly demanding days of their toddlerhood I would never have been able to imagine a day when gathering them all together in one place would be like the proverbial herding of cats, but turning sixty was my ace in the hole.  I love how well they get along and they let their mom be incredibly annoying with nary a grimace between them. I'm pretty sure I don't want to wait five more years to do it again!

Now in my recurring role of "Debbie Downer" there is no avoiding the yuge elephant in the room....the fact that Donald Trump was elected president. Even after a year I haven't been able to come to terms with that thought. I remember going to bed on election night pretty confident that Hillary would be our first female president and then awaking to the news. At first I was incredulous...numb. I couldn't watch any of the coverage on television. I cried off and on throughout the day. I even cried in the grocery store where many people in my conservative neck of the woods were unabashedly triumphant. Still, as bad as it seemed I clinged to the hope that Trump might actually try to drain the swamp or follow through on any number of things he promised would make America great, but only a year into his tenure he has shown that just when we think we've hit bottom he can dig the hole even deeper. If this were a screenplay instead of our reality, the superhero would swoop in, spin the earth backwards and all would be right with the world. Instead, it has been a year of harsh realities that threaten to crush our spirit. My only hope is that there are many good people out there who have been shocked out of their complacency. We need to pull EACH OTHER up by our bootstraps, lock arms, kneel, and whatever else it takes to show the world that we have the humility and strength of character to repair the damage. To a new year!

Will 2016 Be The Year?

According to 2015 actuarial tables, I have about 27.6 years left to finish cleaning my basement. You see, I have been talking about cleaning it for almost that long, so I’m justifiably skeptical about the chances of success. In fact, I have several hundred saved emails providing hard evidence that I have been complaining to anyone who will listen about my messy house since 1994.

I find it exceedingly easy to put daunting projects on the back burner in the day-to-day flurry of bill paying, laundry and Instagram posting. And make no mistake, my basement is a project of monumental proportions.

All evidence to the contrary, I am completely obsessed with organizing and purging the clutter that has taken over much of the square footage in our home. When I think about the enormity of the job, I “google” de-cluttering and for a brief moment, there is hope. But when I head downstairs to confront the beast, I allow myself to get distracted by writing a blog post or folding laundry or moving furniture around.

The amount of energy I expend stressing about clutter and dreaming about dumpsters is a testament to how debilitating it can be. Of course life goes on in a messy house, but drowning in clutter can turn into treading water through life and that’s why I’m going to work on the basement as soon as I un-load the dishwasher!

Are You Ready?

December 4, 2013

Please don't start with the questions….where have you been? ….you promised to start writing more often…how did I end up here,  I was looking for a recipe….

I'm all out of excuses, so let's just begin…

I've been bemoaning the fact, along with everyone else, that we've had one less week between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Less time to decorate, to shop, to get in shape, to write that children's book. 

My dirty little secret is that it doesn't matter how much time I have to prepare for the holidays. You will find me scrambling at the last minute whether I start two months or two weeks before Christmas. Instead of trying to change this behavior, I'm thinking it's time to embrace it. Why not intentionally do nothing until a week before Christmas? Many people perform better under pressure. Maybe I'm one of those people? I can still commiserate with everyone who isn't ready for the holidays without revealing that I've consolidated my angst into a mere 7 days!

I have a friend who shares my passion for procrastination. Her Christmas cards began to arrive late a couple of years ago, at which point she finally just started sending out New Year's cards. Not everyone can pull this off, nor should they. If everyone followed suit, we could literally end up celebrating Christmas in July! 

I honestly believe that Christmas has nothing to do with "things"… it's about being thankful, about spending time with family, about sitting in front of a fire wearing your Snuggie, glass of wine in hand. 

Despite this, when it's December 23rd and you realize that you forgot to buy the stocking stuffers or you didn't buy eggs for the traditional breakfast quiche, you know what you are truly thankful for. Giant Eagle has everything you need and it's open all night! 

Cartoon Courtesy of grtoons

Call me Meemz!

♥♥❤❤❤❥❥❥❥❥❥♡♡♡❥❥❥❥❥❥❤❤❤♥♥

What is the significance of March 1, 2012? It just so happens to be the last post I 

wrote on this site. With a huge sense of gratitude to my 10 followers, most of 
whom probably just forgot they were following, I am venturing out again to 
revive this blog. 

If I imagine trying to recap the events since I last wrote, I am overcome by a 
most intense desire for a nap, so let's just start fresh with one big change in 
my life. Her name is Adeline and she is my first granddaughter. She is only
two weeks old, and I've only held her little swaddled self twice. I plan to 
make up for lost time when I go back to visit my son and his wife next week. 

I'm not really a "planner" but in preparation for my visit I have been practicing
sitting and rocking and staring. I know there are other duties I may be called 
on to perform, but that's how I plan to fill most of the time that I'm there. It's 
quite apropos that I'll be there on Valentine's day, because a new baby is the
best symbol I can think of to represent love. 

With your encouragement and support, I believe we can make this the year my
blog receives enough hits to allow me to work from home!



"Daughter" by Loudon Wainwright III - 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVam-fshUgw

♥♥❤❤❤❥❥❥❥❥❥♡♡♡❥❥❥❥❥❥❤❤❤♥♥

Cell Phone Jingle....I mean Jungle!

A tech savvy friend who updates her equipment regularly, gave me her old IPhone recently and I went to the AT&T store to see if I could use it without signing up for the $30.00/month data plan. Not surprisingly, the answer was an unapologetic "no".  I should have asked why, but I doubt that any answer to that question would have been satisfactory. 


I am an inveterate texter, and although I manage perfectly well with predictive text on my little antique of a phone, I wouldn't mind using a phone with the much more efficient qwerty keyboard. I looked around at the keyboard phones that could be used WITHOUT a data plan and the prices seemed pretty reasonable, until I looked at the fine print. In large print the price was $49.99 but in fine print on the sign next to it, they explained that the lower price included a two year contract renewal. If you wanted to buy the phone outright, the price morphed into a whopping $249.99. What diabolical scheme was at work here? **See rant below** 


Odds are that I will continue using my current cell phone provider for two more years anyway, so why resist the temptation of a new phone? It was my symbolic attempt to take a stand against the tyranny of those holding us all hostage. Faced with a groundswell of opposition to said tyranny I believe we could effect change. The challenge is that as we embrace each new incarnation of technology, anything resembling a groundswell becomes a trickle.


Cockeyed optimist that I am, I talked with the sales associate about ways to lower my bill. Any change to my plan that resulted in savings in one area would cause trouble in another. I could save a modest amount by lowering my minutes from 700 to 500 per month but I would then be vulnerable to expensive overages as well as a more expensive level of text messaging. I had flashbacks to first year Algebra!


**Walking out of the store, I drifted into a dream-like state as I imagined the back room in which these bizarre and arbitrary rules are formulated. A handful of people were brainstorming about how to wring the most money out of their customers without the customers noticing. I thought of the surveys they must have conducted with people in their target demographic about how much they would be willing to pay for things like unlimited text messaging or data plans before feeling as though they had been screwed.


The contract parameters that my imaginary executives came up with required a graduate school level of math proficiency but no one seemed to mind because they were, after all, getting a $249.99 phone for only $49.99! My mind then meandered to a scene from the 1976 movie "Network" in which Peter Finch exhorts people to stick their heads out their windows and yell, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna' take it anymore!"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WINDtlPXmmE&feature=related


As Richard Buckminster Fuller once said....“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” 


Here's to change!


Copyright KKR March 2012

Am I Living My Life, Or Is My Life Living Me?

Welcome to anyone with enough curiosity to follow this blog through all potential incarnations to a place of laughter, serenity, enlightenment or simply a way to waste a few minutes waiting in the dentist's office. After having thought about and talked about getting a job for nearly 10 years, I think it's finally time to..... think about it some more. I have a very specific skill set to offer potential employers, as well as an equally specific set of requirements for the perfect job. I have a bachelor's degree in Russian which here-to-for has not enhanced my marketability. You see, I haven't used my degree, well, EVER, and I have forgotten all but the most basic Russian vocabulary such as hello, thank you, please and goodbye.


I am in the demographic which can generously be described as middle age, so I have neither the time nor the physical prowess to climb any ladders, corporate or otherwise. I suffer from extreme SDPD (Self- Deprecation Personality Disorder), mild paranoia, and finally, chronic cashier-ophobia. I have actually been known to give back more change to people than the item they purchased was worth. None of these afflictions have been clinically evaluated, but trust me, they are very real.


I do have several qualities which I feel could be useful in the appropriate vocation. I am a great listener, I can talk on the phone for hours, I can research nearly any topic you can throw at me and I can proofread better than anyone I know. I'm not sure yet how these talents coalesce into a viable occupation, but I remain ever on the lookout for my true calling. 


Blogging for profit has taken the world by storm and I believe this may be the answer to my prayers. Conventional wisdom says that one should be willing to blog for nothing before expecting to earn a living wage from it. I have been blogging for the pure enjoyment of it for several years now so I have already made it past that first hurdle. Blogging combines many of my strengths with the added luxury of working from home in stretchy pants. If I could dole out helpful advice or offer a sympathetic ear and possibly even make readers laugh I would consider myself as lucky as HGTV's Urban Oasis Winner
http://blog.hgtv.com/urban-oasis/2011/10/25/meet-the-winner-of-hgtv-urban-oasis-2011/.


So, I appeal to the audience out in cyberspace to join me on a journey whose direction will only reveal itself as we travel along. Hopefully you can help me end years of inertia before it's time for me to retire. 


Copyright - KKR Feb. 2012

Happy New Year 2011

Well, I haven't blogged on this site since August. However, with the motivation provided by a beer and a Bailey's Irish Creme I am going to start anew. Just to see if anyone is paying attention! ha ha. It's time to make all those resolutions. Lose weight, get a job, travel, yada yada yada. 2012 here we come!

Update

Hello to anyone out there who still checks in. As I mentioned, I have been directing all my energies toward the http://upperstclair.patch.com/ website, which I encourage you to visit, and ignoring poor kakiehokie. I was about to say goodbye to my followers and close up shop here, but as my first blog experience, kakiehokie is my baby and I'm not ready to let my baby go. After the hiatus, I plan to head in a different direction. I'll send up a flare when I am back.

Never give up!

Hello to my faithful 8 followers! I have been directing most of my energies to the other blog on http://upperstclair.patch.com/ but will get back in the swing on this one as soon as possible. I will send out an e-mail to let you know when the next post is available. Thanks for hanging in there!

Busy month

Well, you never know what life will throw at you, and most of you know what was thrown at my mom on March 26th, 2011. She was involved in a bad car accident and ended up with 2 fractured vertebrae in her neck.


However, in the tradition of seeing the "glass half full", we are very thankful that things weren't much worse and that in time my mom will be back to normal. Also, I would be remiss if I didn't give kudos to my dad for all he has done in terms of the grunt work that comes in the aftermath of an accident, such as insurance claim paperwork, picking up whatever we needed from the store and making sure we had wine to go with the many wonderful dinners that friends provided for us. :-) Cheers to good friends as well!


I am excited to have started a blog on a site called UpperSt.ClairPatch and I would love it if you will check it out.  http://upperstclair.patch.com/

That's all for now except to say Happy Mother's Day, especially to my mom!

pAss*WoRD_s

It seems you need a password for everything these days and I'm getting darn tired of having to remember the many versions of mine. You're supposed to start with a basic model that's easy to remember but that no one else can figure out. Those two things may seem mutually exclusive, but hey, the password gurus must know what they're talking about, as evidenced by the many rules about prudent password behavior or "ppb". To make your password more secure, they suggest using a combination of dashes, symbols, upper and lower case letters and numbers. 


On one site, as I created a new password, they would advise me on the strength of each version. On my first attempt, when I typed in the minimum 6 characters, I was not surprised that the strength was determined to be WEAK. I added two numbers and was relieved to see that the strength had changed to MODERATE.  Although I felt better, I thought to myself, "what kind of underachiever would be satisfied with MODERATE?" I changed some letters from upper to lower case and added another symbol. WHAT?? It was still classified as MODERATE! I felt as if I were back in school taking the SAT. My secure enrollment on this web site depended on the strength of my password! I finally pulled out all the stops. I used upper and lower case letters, numbers, dashes, you name it, and triumphantly earned the STRONG rating. The problem was, distracted as I had been by the creative process, I hadn't written down the 13 character password and had forgotten it! What a dilemma. The more secure the password, the harder it was to remember. Furthermore, even if I had thought to write it down, would I really want to be encumbered by this albatross everytime I wanted to access that account?  I don't even remember what site it was for, but I finally decided it wasn't worth the trouble. 


The subsequent problem is how to keep track of your passwords. We're told to write them down in a "safe place", but for me, the most convenient place, near the computer, is also the least safe. Ironically, no one in my family cares about my feedback profile on Etsy or what impulse purchase I just made on Amazon and the tech support person from Ebay can access most of my information from out in cyberspace, so why am I hiding my passwords in the first place? 

Copyright 2011 KKR

unintended hiatus

To test the mettle of my intrepid band of followers, I haven't posted for about two weeks. If you're still with me, I applaud you and thank you!


I think there's an expression that "life get's in the way" and that's what has kept me from posting recently. This kind of life getting in the way is the good stuff, though. Listening to a dissertation defense, college spring break, even helping with a move to the Big Apple. Now that's livin'!


With two months of relatively uninterrupted time in my future, allow me to share with you my plan. I will make two sets of curtains, paint the hallway, re-paint the bathroom in a color that I like, organize 25 years of files, find my dream job, lose weight, clean the garage, start listing things on Ebay, take guitar lessons, and organize the shed. I'm sure there are a few things I've forgotten, but I have several to-do lists floating around that need to be condensed. 


By the way, in lieu of actually getting anything done, I highly recommend making a list. It is not only satisfying, it takes time that could otherwise be spent doing something on said list. It's a win-win!


Well, all for now. I will report on my progress from time to time. 


Copyright 2011 KKR


"Hammer and a Nail" - The Indigo Girls
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTI2GGNFR_U

"What, me worry?"

I would wager that I have taken worrying to heights never before achieved. Of course I worry about "normal" things like important decisions, my children, the environment, or not having thanked the hotel manager for his assistance in reserving a room. I suspect worrying is a more common affliction to women than men, and yet, even my female friends have had to encourage me not to sweat the small stuff; to "let things go".


One of the major sources of concern is anything that comes out of my mouth. In particular, I often feel the need for a rewind button on the things I say to my boys. "Did you brush your teeth?, please don't sit on the arm of the couch, don't make fun of your brother's hair, do you have something in mind for your girlfriend's birthday?, your wife's birthday?, did you wash your hands?" A whole litany of unnecessary comments. Thankfully, most of these questions are merely a blip on their radar, forgotten moments after the last syllable has left my mouth.  For other more egregious comments, since there is no rewind button, I handle such situations by apologizing for what I've said. Their way of letting me know that I hadn't bothered them in the first place is to groan. Sometimes now, they are so conditioned to expect an apology that they will save me the effort and advise me in advance that none is warranted.


It's natural to care so much about one's own family, but I worry about casual comments I make to complete strangers. I wasn't kidding about not thanking the hotel manager. Coming into town recently the night of the big blizzard, my son wasn't scheduled to arrive until 4:00a.m. There was no way for anyone to pick him up at the bus station because the roads were so treacherous. Thankfully, I was able to make a reservation for him at a nearby hotel. The two hotel employees I talked with were very accommodating despite the lateness of the hour and the number of stranded travelers trying to reserve rooms. As I finished making the reservation, the manager said "thank you" but I had slipped out of the conversational rhythm. Instead of thanking him, I just said good bye and hung up. Now, it was 4:00 in the morning, so I was too tired to lose sleep over it, but I managed to beat myself up for the blunder for a good 10 minutes.

Wise friends have told me over and over again, that unless I am purposely running roughshod over people, I shouldn't worry so much about what I say. Lately I have tried harder than ever to put this into practice. I am taking baby steps, but think I may be on the right track.


The other day I said something relatively benign to an acquaintance but immediately regretted it. Instead of calling her to awkwardly apologize for a slight she probably didn't even notice, I said to myself, "let it go". And it worked! 

Copyright 2011 KKR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45ZSIeSsmwI
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_E._Neuman

OMGosh

When "texting" first arrived on the scene, I gradually embraced the idea. At first I typed everything out using an excruciatingly slow method, scrolling through each letter individually, until my sons introduced me to predictive text. It was very confusing at first. As I typed the word "good", the word appearing on my phone began with "i - n - n ... what the heck?! I finally took the leap of faith needed to let the phone figure out what I was trying to say. Now that I am somewhat of an expert, (ha,ha)* I am still amused by which words pop up first. What novice would ever guess that typing the word "look" would result in the word "Konk" (and alphabetized, no less)? 


Just when I think I have it figured out, though, my phone does something more disconcerting. It has started to replace words with numbers. I have no idea what I did to cause this anomaly, nor what I must do to fix it. Probably at some point I pressed a button signaling my desire for this to happen. "I'm going to the store at noon today"  translates into "I.m going 86 the store 28 noon today." Before I correct it, "call me when you get home" comes out as "call me 9436 you get good". Essentially, gibberish. I've joked with friends that we should try to decipher messages that we've sent each other without proofreading. 


As if that's not enough to worry about, there's a new challenge in my conversations brought about by the advent of the keyboard phone. If I'm texting someone with that capability I can't type fast enough to keep up with them. 


Sample conversation:


Friend: "What are you up to?"
Me: "Getting ready to do some errands. How about you?" 
Friend: "Yes, me too. Do you have time for coffee later?"
Me: (madly typing) "Yes, but I'm not sure when I'll be.....
Friend: ...their text coming in before I can finish mine.....


Well, with time, I've become more proficient at texting and have managed to work out some of the kinks. I almost never send a text now without quickly proofreading it first. If I expect to have a pretty long conversation with a keyboard phone user I warn them to allow a delay for my responses so our conversation stays in sync.


The main reason for today's discussion, however, is an appeal to all fellow "texters" to come up with some words to replace those used by the younger generation. My three most urgent needs are alternatives for "ha, ha"* (see above), OMG, and lol. Don't misunderstand me; I have no problem with people my age using these terms. It's just that if I use any of these expressions when texting my kids or their contemporaries I get the uneasy feeling that I am trying to be "cool". For example, the other day I very reluctantly texted the term "OMG" to one of my sons because I was in a such a hurry. Typing my usual "OMGosh", would have involved an extremely time-consuming combination of scrolling, spaces and backspaces. Even before I had finished chiding myself for using the term, a text came in from my son. With the refreshing honesty that I expect from all of my boys, his text said simply "please don't say omg". Of course this made me lol. When using the term "lol" for a lack of an appropriate substitute, I feel like I am a mere belly-button ring away from turning into that mother whom everyone criticizes for acting like a teenager. Therefore, I feel we need some "grown up" ways to express certain expressions via text and even through e-mail for that matter. I have tried using one "ha" but that looks like I just forgot to type the second "ha". Instead of lol, I once typed "very funny" but that sounded like sarcasm!!


Anyway, I'm counting on some great suggestions from anyone reading today. The only problem I foresee is that once we come up with some alternatives, we have to use them consistently enough that they become a part of general texting parlance. I can text "ctm" to my heart's content, but unless people know that I mean "chuckling to myself" my crusade will be all for naught.




Copyright 2011 KKR

letter to the editor

In an attempt to preserve my sanity, several months ago I pledged to stop reading the editorials in our community newspaper. The pompous drivel of certain contributors had become unbearable. Alas, some issues, such as the environment, religion, and politics draw me in like a moth to the flame. The other day I tried to scan the editorial page while squinting to avoid seeing anything provocative, but to no avail. The name of one particularly prolific writer caught my eye and against my better judgment, I began to read.


To avoid confusion, we'll call this man Thing 1. Thing 1 was responding to a letter in the previous week's paper written by a man we will call Thing 2. Thing 2 was concerned about the attempts of some members of Congress to water down (pardon the pun) the Clean Air/Clean Water Act and the potential effect this could have on global warming. 
*(I give full credit to Dr. Seuss for use of the names Thing 1 and Thing 2)


Let me stress that global warming is not the main issue here. The issue is civil discourse.  


To provide a context, here are a few excerpts from Thing 1's letter..... "if carbon dioxide is a pollutant, does that mean all of us are polluters when we exhale? Will we need permits (to breathe)?" The idea that we would have to stop breathing to combat global warming, while undeniably hilarious, defies logic.

Thing 1 further laments "that radical environmentalism is killing our economy." Call me a cockeyed optimist, but are a healthy economy and a healthy environment mutually exclusive? In addition, why does he feel the need to disparage Thing 2's desire to pass on a liveable planet to our children? This kind of thinking makes my brain hurt.


I suddenly came up with a novel idea. People writing an editorial could not only use common sense, they could treat those with whom they disagree respectfully. Lose the sarcasm. Take the high road.  I, for one, would be more receptive to what they have to say under those conditions. Unfortunately, it's naive to think that everyone is motivated by this utopian ideal. I think some people just want to stir things up.


(And yes, I realize that I too would have to behave accordingly. For the purposes of today's post, however, sarcasm is essential.)


The editorial page of our local paper is beginning to resemble the 60 Minutes segment “Point – Counterpoint” with Shana Alexander and James J. Kilpatrick.  For those too young to remember it, Wikipedia explains:

"For most of the 1970s, the program (60 Minutes) included the Point/Counterpoint segment in which a liberal and a conservative commentator would debate a particular issue. This originally featured James J. Kilpatrick representing the conservative side and Nicholas von Hoffman for the liberal, with Shana Alexander taking over for von Hoffman after he departed in 1974. Point/Counterpoint was also lampooned by the NBC comedy series Saturday Night Live, which featured Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd as debaters, with Aykroyd typically beginning his remarks with, "Jane, you ignorant slut".


The interesting thing is that Shana Alexander's niece, Hannah Bentley is quoted as saying "her aunt........ and Kilpatrick were good friends off camera". This kind of civility is what we have lost in the last several years but I think we can recapture it.  Let's agree to disagree, but when we're done, part with a handshake.


Copyright 2011 KKR

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/60_Minutes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7S_XWuKpHc&feature=related